Tuesday, December 2, 2008

One thugtastic tree

Chip and I spent Friday afternoon hanging our outdoor Christmas wreaths and assembling our two Christmas trees. The nine-foot skinny number in the front room went up without a hitch. The seven-foot pre-lit tree in the middle room -- the one I brought to the marriage -- was another matter. Let's just say it has a few character flaws.

Three years ago a lower strand of lights went out, so I wrapped new lights over the existing ones. Two years ago the entire middle section of lights went out, so I added even more new lights to the existing ones, resulting in a lovely tangle of cords and whatnot. Shockingly, last year all of the lights went out, so we cut off everything and wrapped new strands around every branch. Let me tell you, nothing says holiday spirit like cramped hands covered in plastic pine needle cuts. This year we were hard pressed to remember how the revamped model went together, and well, that was not fun, either. It was a marked improvement over last year's experience, for sure, but apparently Chip was not ready to let bygones be bygones.

"Silver Bells," was playing on the stereo, and Chip, ever the clever one, started singing along, only with his own lyrics. The refrain went a little something like this: "Broke-ass tree, broke-ass tree ... it's because we live in the city." I chuckled. Big mistake. He went on to work favorite words like thugtastic, Targetto and Homie Depot into the verses, as well as the names of our more annoying neighbors. I thought the song would never end. I also thought he could have left well enough alone with just the refrain, but hey, it distracted him during the last stages of assembly, and before I knew it, the tree was up.

Whatever it takes.


  1. I have said it before, but I'll say it again -- that husband of yours is one funny guy. Thanks to the two of you I will be humming broke-ass tree all day.

  2. Gotta love the plastic pine needle cuts. I'm a victim every year. And a big Thank You for introducing me to the terms Targetto and Homie Depot, which I am extremely looking forward to using in the not too distant future.


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